Fuck the gym – you’ve got better things to do, like clearing out your pantry by chowing down on all that chocolate you bought in the post-Easter sales. But you’ve gotta do something to stop yourself from morphing into Jabba the Hutt, right? Incorporate some incidental exercise into your workday (doing it on company time makes it less painful) and eliminate that niggling guilt.
1. Use the Far Away Bathroom
You know the one. It’s in the back corner of the building, virtually untouched because it’s so far away that nobody can be bothered to schlep their lazy selves over to it. On the plus side, because nobody uses it, there’s no pee on the floor. Alternatively, it’s so far away that the cleaners forget about it, so it’s got 3 years of pee on the floor. Either way, walking the extra distance equals more steps.
2. Squat to pee
Go to the loo the Asian way (and we all know the Asian way is the best way for most things) by hovering, which has a heap of other advantages such as not accidentally sitting in other people’s toilet seat pee. Hovering works those glutes. Don’t stand on the seat, that’s just filthy.
3. Do squats
Pick a thing you do fairly regularly throughout the day, and every time you do it, do 10 squats. Some examples:
– Make a cup of tea
– Refill your water bottle
– Go to the bathroom
– Use the photocopier
4. Park further away/Get off the bus one stop earlier
If you’re not important enough to get an assigned parking spot, park a block or two further away from work than normal to clock up those extra steps. If you catch public transport, the same principle applies by getting off the bus a stop earlier.
5. Go for a lunchtime walk
Eating lunch al desko is just sad. Get outside and marvel at the beauty of nature (or if you work in an industrial area, the wonders of human progress). Or window shop and grind your teeth at all the things you can’t afford – grinding burns calories too!
6. Rediscover human connection
No, I don’t mean “connecting” with the cute guy who works on the floor below, possibly over after-work drinks (although depending on the outcome you could get some great exercise out of it, so that might not be such a bad idea). My far more boring suggestion is to physically walk over to people if you need to talk to them, instead of sending an email or calling. If you need a paper trail, send a follow up email to recap what you discussed.
For completely unrelated reasons, I’ve recently found myself needing to ask Mr-Fifth-Floor at least three questions a day.
7. Take the stairs instead of the lift
Even better if you work on the twenty-fourth floor! Plus you avoid awkward lift conversations and exit-farters.